I met Carter on OKCupid in a final attempt to find an accomplice for the impending Netflix and chill season before I abandoned shaving my legs and officially entered into hibernation for the winter by my lonesome.
For the duration of our evening, we discussed the trials and tribulations of meeting someone compatible while residing in the absurd metropolis that is NYC. He explained how like most New Yorkers, he had been single for a while because the majority of his time and attention was focused mainly on his professional efforts and finding the opportunity to meet a lovely young lady such as myself proved to be quite difficult. This was a situation I knew all too well.
After we finished our Pinot Noir and chorizo empanadas, we shared a quick boozy make out session before my Uber came to retrieve me to my apartment.
As I sat in the back of the cab, I couldn’t help but be ecstatic. Could it be? Have I finally found my cuffing season** buddy or dare I say…my husband?
The next day I was delighted when my phone vibrated in the middle of the work day and his name showed up on the screen. How sweet! A phone call!
“Hey, so this is kind of a weird request. I do sort of have a girlfriend but we have been having some problems and just last night after I met you we patched things up a bit. She found our text messages though and I was wondering if you could do me a HUGE favor. She is probably going to call or text you, but would you mind maybe telling her we never actually met? Thing is, we still live together and it would be a really big help to me. If she knows I went out with you she will most likely kick me out.”
“So basically, you cheated on your girlfriend and wasted my time in the process and now you want me to cover your ass? Am I being punk’d right now or are you for real?”
“I know, I had a lot of fun with you and if we weren’t living together I’d love to date you but its complicated and I know I’m as asshole, but please can you just do this for me?”
That evening I did in fact receive a call from his girlfriend, Shannon, and informed her about everything she deserved to know. Shannon dropped Carter like a bad habit. She continued to text me the pathetically hysterical details of removing him from the apartment they shared and eventually we decided to meet up for a glass of wine being that we were both single.
Shannon and I remain great friends and next week I will be standing next to her as she marries the man of her dreams. Who knew this cheating asshole could result in such a sweet ending?
**During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed. -Urban Dictionary