The Supposed Scottish Smokeshow

I had good feelings about this one. I have always had a thing for accents, ones from the UK in particular. They definitely tend to make the panties feel a little loose. However, when I walked into the cozy wine bar in Soho, my high hopes were quickly destroyed.

I am not sure if his pictures were someone else or severely photoshopped, but it was definitely a far cry from the Scottish smoke show I saw on his Hinge profile.

Regen had an excruciatingly high-pitched laugh that you could hear from Staten Island and it filled the room. And he laughed at EVERYTHING.  I could just feel all eyes on us when he found something even remotely amusing. Every person was aware of how annoying it was but him.

Now I realize it may seem like I am a bit harsh on guys I go on dates with but I do appreciate that they are human beings trying to put themselves out there just like me. Unless the guy is a total asshole, I always engage in friendly conversation. Regen wanted to get to know more about me which I appreciated, but he went about it all wrong.

Regen: So, are you happy in life?

Me: uh…yeah. I’m happy.

Regen: Well what does that happiness mean to you? What exactly makes you happy? I know you may be used to guys being shallow on first dates but I really want to dig deeper and get to know who you are and get the core of you.

Me: Um. I don’t know, family, friends, travel. I’m happy. So do you have brothers and sisters?

Regen: But family and friends can’t just make you happy. You have to find happiness inside yourself and not rely on others to make you happy. So are you really happy??

Me: This is getting way too deep. I’m thinking the surface is more my style.

He continued to badger me about the meaning of life and happiness until I was clearly annoyed. I finished my glass of wine and when he asked if I would like another I politely declined.

“So how about we grab a drink back at my place then?”

UGH. I don’t think I could have made it anymore obvious that there was not a snowball’s chance in hell I would ever sleep with him. After receiving a major stink eye, I was finally free.

I get not 20 feet away from the restaurant and receive this little gem.regenregenUntitled 1If you have a story about an awful first date that you would like to share with our readers please email us at:

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