The STD-bag

Trevor and I met while at a mutual friend’s BBQ on their rooftop in the Financial District. We had our ‘meet cute’ while patiently waiting for the delicious cheeseburgers and bratwursts to be finished grilling and engaged in a compelling debate about whether cheddar or swiss  was the superior choice to be placed atop our delectable grass fed beef patties.

Fast forward 2 weeks, and Trevor and I began casually dating. In all honesty, this ‘relationship’ was more physical than anything. Trevor was a 26 year-old self-proclaimed starving artist living with 4 other thespian housemates in a loft in Brooklyn while my 32 years on this earth had resulted in a budding career as a financial analyst for a large investment firm who was quickly and eagerly climbing the corporate latter to success then retreating home to my luxury one bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side.

Needless to say, Trevor and I were not a match that was going any distance outside of the bedroom and we both were well aware.

A few weeks later I did in fact meet a young gentleman that I was interested in pursuing on a more serious level. Though I was only seeing trevor 1-2 times on a weekly basis, I decided he still deserved an explanation from me. The next time he texted me to hook up get together I dialed his number and told him that it would be best move on and head our separate ways being that I am slightly older than he and in a different place in life.

Trevor wasn’t exactly elated to be tossed aside for an upgraded model but he did take it somewhat swimmingly.

Or so I thought.

I began receiving multiple texts and phone calls a day from Trevor claiming that I was the love of his life and that is isn’t humanly possible for him to let me walk away without putting up a fight.

After a few days of this infantile nonsense I decided to block Trevor’s number for good and move on with my life.

Two days later my new boyfriend (who is now my fiancé) called to tell me that he received a Facebook message from some guy named Trevor:


Little does Trevor know an HPV test for men does not exist. Nice try though.


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