My online dating tendencies tend to fluctuate depending on the time of year. With the cold creeping in and the sunlight so meager, it is officially netflix and chill season. It also doesn’t help that every time I login to any social networking forum, all I see are giant diamonds and happy families with babies standing in front of Christmas trees reminding me how pathetic I feel spending a good chunk of my nights on the couch with my cats in my tiny one bedroom apartment eating mozzarella sticks.
So it was time to put myself back in the game. I downloaded Tinder (for the fifth time) and was ready to seize the day.
I matched with David.
I am not a fan of guys that brag about their success, but I try to be sensitive to the fact that with so much competition, perhaps it is quite nerve racking to try to impress a woman and stand out from the crowd. While chatting via text, David mentioned that he owns a home in Connecticut, and has a place in the city. David also mentioned he was an avid traveler and was always up for an exotic adventure. What intrigued me the most was that he said he started his own hedge fund. Being a business owner myself, I thought this was a interesting thing to have in common.
Hard working, ambitious, and a traveler like me. Perhaps this could be a nice fit.
Wrong. So wrong.
As we sit down for drinks, David proceeds to tell me about his exotic travels. To Alabama. And South Dakota. IN HIS MINI VAN. He also says that he has never left the country and has no desire to. Here I am looking for a partner to join me on future trips to Cambodia or Amsterdam and this asshole is trying to tell me how much fun it is to sleep in the back of a Town & Country and shower with baby wipes. No thanks, brah.
After explaining to me how he has debilitating ADHD and has dated several women who went to rehab for alcohol abuse, mister ‘I-have-a-house-in-Connecticut-and-a-place-in-the-city’ proceeds to tell me that he lives with his brother and his family in Connecticut and doesn’t have to pay rent so long as he watches the kids when need be, and OH YEAH, that place in the city is actually his parents’, but he can crash on the couch whenever he wants. As for the ‘hedge fund,’ he said it was a bit of a ‘work in progress,’ but for now, he was using his mini van to be an uber driver in Connecticut.
Needless to say, this wasn’t a match.
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