The Designer Dud

I met Alan, a poshly styled insurance underwriter and race car fanatic, on OKCupid. After being ‘pen pals’ for far longer than I normally deem necessary we decided to meet for lunch.

Alan selected a slightly ostentatious eatery on the Upper East Side that was seemingly more for the ‘ladies who lunch’ crowd rather than a casually dressed fashion photographer and part-time bartender such as myself.

I arrived slightly early and was pondering whether or not to order a beverage while I awaited his arrival, but when I looked at the steeply priced cocktail menu I ultimately decided against it.

When Alan entered the scene he apologized for his slight tardiness and we took our seats at the table. He was impeccably quaffed in a velvet blazer with a matching pocket square and a belt that I am sure was worth more than my entire ensemble. Alan  definitely fit right in at this establishment.

After enjoying a lobster cocktail, chopped salad and a roast beef sandwich accompanied by a few Tanqueray/tonics, we decided to continue our Sunday fun day rendezvous at a craft cocktail bar about 7 blocks from our current location.

Prior to the beginning of our lunch date it just so happened to be a beautiful spring afternoon, and I thought it the perfect opportunity to don my new sleeveless floral print dress fresh out of the box from Rent The Runway.

By mid afternoon the clouds rolled in and the wind began to blow quite aggressively.

I embraced myself and increased my pace as goosebumps formed all over my body.

“Can’t believe how chilly it got so quickly! Was so nice a few hours ago,” he said astonishingly.

“Yeah I had no idea the weather was going to take a turn like this,” I agreed.

As another gust of wind came by to blow up my dress and narrowly pummel me over he said, “I would give you my blazer, but then I would be cold.”

Speechless by his blatant lack of chivalry I marched on.

After a grueling 7 blocks through what felt like a Siberian wind tunnel we arrived at our destination and he clearly expressed his remorse for failing to be a proper gentleman.

“You look like you’re freezing! Sorry, I totally would have given you my jacket but this is Gucci and I just got it. It’s my favorite designer!”

After one more cocktail I had to let it go.


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