Prosecco Pedophile

I went out with Christian after connecting on Match. This was my first ever date and I was excited about putting myself out there to meet a potential partner.

Christian picked a lovely Italian spot in the West Village, and when I showed up, I was relieved to discover that he was accurately comparable to his profile pictures. Things seemed to be going into a positive direction, and I looked forward to getting to know each other over a glass of Prosecco and some sun dried tomato bruschetta.

Those feelings quickly diminished when we sat down at the bar and Christian opened his mouth.

“So I’m really excited to be your first Match date. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf and date girls that are a little bit older. I usually date girls who are much younger than you and I haven’t been having any luck.”

“Um, I’m 26. Who are you dating? Teenagers? And how old are you?”

“I’m 35. But I usually prefer women that are 24 and younger. Once girls hit 25 it’s kind of all down hill for you guys.”

“Well, your hairline is already receding. Do you see that getting any better for you in the future?”

He then proceeds to tell me that he will get more distinguished and wealthier with age, and that I have already reached my peak.


Clearly the date didn’t last much longer and I quickly sucked down the last of the bottle (because no bottle of delicious Prosecco should ever be wasted on account of some D bag).

A few days later, he was delusional enough to think I would actually be up for another date. He was so mature about it too:


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