One Night Standoff

Karl and I met on….an app. It’s all a blur at this point. Karl ran a tech start-up, and though I couldn’t quite tell how attractive he was due to the inconspicuous photography displayed on his profile I decided I would roll the dice.

When I met Karl in a popular happy hour spot located outside of Grand Central I was please to find him charmingly handsome.

After settling into a booth with my Prosecco and his bourbon and Coke we began chatting about our families, careers and how we came to be New Yorkers.

“So, what was your last relationship like?” He asked.

In a desperate attempt to evade the all-too-awkward chat about ex boyfriends I convoluted the most ambiguous answer possible.

“Well…it was a good relationship, but some things aren’t just meant to be, and there were no hard feelings.”

“That’s cool. My ex and I broke up not long ago, but it has kind of been a crazy back and forth.  We dated for 3 years so it’s not so easy to just quit,” he said begrudgingly.

Again, trying to abstain the conversation from past relationships I asked him if he had any amusing stories that have come from his online dating experiences.

“Oh shit, yeah I do! I went out with this girl last week. She was super hot but didn’t have much going on upstairs. We got pretty wasted and she came home with me that night and the next morning she would not leave. I literally had to get dressed and act like I was going somewhere around 11:30 AM. Then she woke up and was trying to make plans to hang out  later that night. She finally left but only after I told her she needed to go.”

Flabbergasted that he would lack the intelligence to know that this was entirely inappropriate to bring up on a first date, I couldn’t help but be engaged as it was almost like a train wreck that I couldn’t walk away from.

“So, do you usually tell girls on first dates about women you have slept with recently and about how you are having issues moving on from your ex? I am just curious because this is quite fascinating if it actually works on some people.”

“Ehh, I dunno. Nice guys finish last anyways. The meaner I am to girls the more they seem to like me!”

“Well that must explain why you are still single.”

“Ok, not sure why you are being so standoffish right now. It’s online dating. People are going to sleep together.”

I had one more Prosecco on Karl’s tab then excused myself for a more important engagement like watching Netflix with my cat.

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