Group-On Turn-Off

I met Jimmy on OK Cupid when the sweet summer had come to an end and it was time to trade in rooftop afternoons filled with sparkling Rose for football games and pumpkin spiced…anything.

It was also time for me to get my head back in the dating game as my 33rd birthday was rapidly approaching and the number of single friends I had seemed to be dwindling by the hour.

For some reason, OKC seemed like the perfect place to start getting my shit together.

Jimmy suggested we meet at an elegant fondue restaurant with baroque-style decor in Williamsburg on a Tuesday evening after work.

He had adorably boyish features and was an unpretentiously dressed New Jersey native who worked as an accountant for the Chrysler Corporation.

Perhaps he wasn’t exactly my type considering the slightly metro-sexual men I have inexplicably been attracted to in the past, but I still found myself excited to delve into conversation and enjoy his company.

The evening was quite romantic as we huddled over our steaming pot of molten swiss cheese accompanied by sliced baguette and an assortment of crudite vegetables.

We discussed our mutual desire to one day complete a week-long camping trip though the Grand Canyon and taste wine in Napa Valley as well as eventually become dog owners while remaining in the great city we both currently called home.

After we polished off the last of the cheese we satisfied our sweet tooth with  some decadent dark chocolate fondue laced with caramel and marshmallows.

Minutes later the bill arrived and Jimmy assumed responsibility for it despite my best effort to contribute.

“I am so sorry,” she said sympathetically. “I cannot accept this Groupon voucher as it expired a month ago.”

“I still paid for it, though. You can’t just make an exception and take  it?” Jimmy pleaded.

The waitress denied his request yet again, and Jimmy summoned a manager.

Slightly abashed by the scene being caused in such a small venue, I told Jimmy he should cut his loss and split the bill with me in order to expedite our escape from the embarrassing situation.

Jimmy refused and argued relentlessly with the manager to honor his expired voucher he purchased for $50 in order to receive a $125 credit towards fondue meal in return.

When the manager finally made it clear that he (rightfully so) would not accept it as payment, alas Jimmy relented.

“So, yeah, can we just split this then? I would pick it up, but I already wasted $50 on this Groupon which they are clearly not going to take,” he said.

I handed him my credit card.

“Oh, you don’t have cash? All I have is cash.”

“No sorry, I never carry cash. You don’t have a card on you?” I asked, assuming we would split it down the middle as discussed.

Jimmy put down $85 in cash, which was apparently all he had in his possession at the time.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize I wasn’t going to get credit for the Groupon, and I don’t have a card on me so this is all I brought. You mind just grabbing the rest and I will get you next time?”

The bill came to $175 not including tip.

Spoiler alert: There wasn’t a next time.

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