Gold Digger Trigger

I met Kasey on Tinder (against my better judgment). Kasey was a stately looking pharmacist (like myself) from northern Alabama with a lingering southern twang and a slightly outdated ‘frat boy flop’ hair style. Nonetheless, he was easy on the eyes, so I accepted his invitation to meet for some wine and cheese on a Tuesday evening.

Kasey was every bit delightfully attractive as I had pictured he would be in person, and as he pulled out my chair to seat me it was very obvious he was also a complete gentleman. So far so good.

Kasey and I decided to enjoy a plate of Manchego and smoked gouda  with pickled radish and a side of spicy chorizo accompanied by a full-bodied California Pinot Noir. We spent the first part of the date ‘talking shop,’ being that we both work in pharmaceuticals.

After a serious discussion about whether Breaking Bad or Band of Brother’s is the best TV in existence, we decided to shift the conversation to what we were looking for in a partner and in our lives being that we both recently celebrated our 34th birthday.

He shared his somewhat generic qualities that he was searching in a potential mate and I responded with mine.

“I am looking for someone who is family oriented, loves to travel, has a good career, and just a good sense of humor about life,” I said.

“Out of curiosity, why must one have a good career? Are you looking for someone who makes a lot of money?” He inquired suspiciously.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with money. I want a good stable career for myself as well. You just meet a lot of people in this city who are actors, or want to be writers and just bouncing around from job to job and I just want someone who is at a stable point in their life as I am in mine.”

“Listen, if you are just trying to find a meal ticket then you have the wrong guy. I have had my fair share of gold diggers, so just want to put that out there.”

“We are both pharmacists and the same age remember? We probably make the same amount of money. If I was really looking for a rich guy, it is not hard to find one in this city. I would have had one.” I said.

“I seriously doubt you make nearly as much money as I do, but if you are just looking for a guy with a good job we can end this now. That is seriously one of my triggers.”

“Yeah it kind of pulls a trigger for me when someone basically tells me I am a gold digger despite the fact that we do the exact same thing. And since you make so much more money than I do, you can go ahead and pick up the tab.”

I watched as Kasey reluctantly paid the tab while simultaneously devouring his words.

After a quick and awkward hug farewell I was completely fine with never hearing from Kasey again.


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