F*ck Buddy Fool

I became acquainted with Myles on Hinge, the highly acclaimed ‘relationship’ app. Myles was a raven-haired, physically fit project manager for Google with an implicit affinity for adventure much like myself.

After comparing notes about the last places we had been sky- and/or scuba-diving we decided to meet for some alcoholic refreshments at a pub in close proximity to my apartment.

We took our seats in the bustling happy hour spot in the East Village and quickly bonded over the fact that our drink of choice was coincidentally Johnny Walker Black on the rocks.

Despite me finding him even more attractive in person and having our favorite beverage common, the date went south before it even began.

“So, full disclosure. I just got out of a serious relationship, and I am really just looking to mess around and have some fun. More than just a one night stand, but someone I have have a good time with, have sex on the regular but not necessarily a relationship. Would that kind of thing work for you? I am just trying to be honest,” he said.

“If I remember correctly, the app we met on is called ‘Hinge-The Relationship App.’ If you are just looking for someone to fuck then why the hell did you waste my time? Go get a hooker.”

I billed him for my time in the form of ordering a glass of the most expensive whiskey on the rocks before he closed out his tab.

Not sure if Myles ever found the Tinderella he has been searching for, but it was certainly not me.

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