Chinese Exit

I met Andrew while he was involved in a long distance relationship. We were both members of the same social circle so we did end up seeing each other quite frequently, and the chemistry between the two of us was absolutely unquestionable.

Despite the undeniable mutual enchantment we had for one other, Andrew never once did anything to disrespect his girlfriend, making it even harder to resist the obvious temptation.

One day I was sitting in my cubical swiping through tinder debating  whether I wanted to order Thai or Latin fusion on GrubHub later for dinner that evening.

Then it happened. A text from Andrew.

He basically told me that things had not been working out with his girlfriend for quite some time now, and he had finally decided to call it quits.  Andrew then invited me out to dinner that weekend and the butterflies in my stomach were ecstatic.

Saturday rolled around and I was rummaging through my closet like a pathetic school girl trying to find the perfect ensemble for my long anticipated first date with Andrew. He had yet to mention where we were going for dinner so I was anxiously awaiting for him to message or call to tell me where to meet him so I could better decide what the appropriate outfit would be.

He called me and told me that he wants to make me dinner.

Hmm. OK. Traditionally I don’t feel comfortable meeting for a first date at a someone’s residence but being that he wasn’t a stranger, I accepted. I also felt it was a romantic gesture  for him to offer to make me dinner, so I threw on something more casual and hopped in an Uber.

I could  feel the sweat forming on the palms of my hands waiting for the elevator to arrive at the 7th floor. I tried to imagine what he would cook for me. Would there be candles? Would he have wine? I anticipated his adorable face as he cut up vegetables and stirred a steaming pot attempting to impress me with the perfect meal.

The door opened and there was none of this.

Andrew was in sweat pants and there was no evidence or remnants of any meal being prepared whatsoever.

“So thanks for coming over. Not sure what you wanted to eat I was thinking we could order some Chinese or a pizza, what do you think?”

“Chinese works I guess.”

He ordered some Lo Mien and Kung Pow chicken from his smart phone and popped open a bottle of Malbec. We settled down on the couch and he proceeded to engage me in a conversation about the blatant chemistry that was ever so evident between us.

“So it is pretty clear that there has always been some sexual tension between us and I just kind of wanted to explore that. I did just get out of a relationship so I’m not looking for another but I think we could probably have some good fun together.”

“So…you basically invited me here to have sex with you?”

“Well, I wasn’t so sure it would happen right away but I don’t see why we wouldn’t just have at it since we’ve been attracted to each other for so long.”

“Oh. Here I was thinking you actually wanted to get to know me and take me on a date. How funny.”

“I mean, like I said, I’m newly single so I don’t really care about getting to know anyone unless it’s in a sexual sense. So we can either have a physical relationship or we can just be friends.”

I wasn’t sure if it was how hungry I was or if he just made me sick to my stomach, but I quickly excused myself.

As I left the elevator I saw a little Chinese man with a brown paper bag. I asked him if it was for 7B and he confirmed that it was.

“That’s actually for me. I will just take it.”

I left him  tip and enjoyed my Chinese food that Andrew was kind enough to purchase for me.


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