Buddy System B*tch

I was very excited to hear from Kelly after matching with her on Bumble. I’m a sucker for petite brunettes with curvaceous behinds, so Kelly was just my type.

I invited her to grab drinks at a place in close proximity to where she worked in SoHo. Upon arrival I received a text that she would be running a few minutes late, so I ordered a pint of Sam Winter Ale and caught the highlights of last weekends college football games.

And I waited…

and waited.

45 minutes after our initial meeting time, my spidey senses were telling me I was being stood up. I shot her a text saying that I was going to finish up my beer and be on my way.

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Hmm. Ok. I figured keeping the company of 2 women for the evening wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.  The more the merrier? Right?


This bitch brought her friend alright. A dude.

As I make her acquaintance she says, “Sorry, to spring this on you, I just feel much safer if I have someone with me when I am meeting strangers for the first time. You can never be too careful.”

There are an estimated 8,000,000 people occupying the island of Manhattan on a daily basis. Roughly 45 of those people were in our establishment at this particular time. Pulling off a successful kidnapping would be very impressive to say the least.

We all awkwardly sat down and ordered a round of drinks. I spent most of the ‘date’ listening to the two of them reminisce about their college days. They ordered a plate of potato skins and mozzarella sticks and chowed down as if I don’t exist.

As we were wrapping things up, the guy said he is going to head out to give us some time to get to know each other better.  At that point, I was not even remotely interested.

As soon as he walks out the door, the waitress drops the check and Kelly sat there happily as I picked up dinner and drinks for her and her friend.

When we left she presumptuously informs me that she is going on vacation so she won’t be around for 2 weeks, but can meet up after that.

Sure, Kelly. Looking forward to it.


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